I opened my eyes to a fairy-tale scene, straight out of The Lord of the Rings. The sunlight was dappling through the green leaves right onto the clearing in the woods, where I was lying. I sat up, rubbing my eyes, studying the circle of huge red caps surrounding my bed of grass. I was wearing some sort of green coloured leather outfit, skin-tight but comfortable, that shifted and moved like a scuba diving suit when I stood up, studying my surroundings.
I whistled as I took it all in. Dorothy wasn’t in Kansas anymore. I tentatively called for Sparkie, but already knew that he wouldn’t be here. I, as a matter of fact, transmigrated to wherever this was. I found my cloak, folded under my head to be used as a pillow, and clasped it onto my shoulders. As I raised the hood, my hands touched something protruding from the sides of my head, and I flinched violently at the sensation. I probed the very obvious elf ears attached to my head and concluded that I did indeed somehow end up in a high fantasy tale.
I was ecstatic. I had read many books about writers ending up in their own stories, and if that indeed was the case here, I would probably scream for joy. I loved my setting so much that I spent years developing the magic system, the politics, the epic wars and ethereal realms before I even began to formulate the main plot. If I ended up as an elf ranger, sometime before the Grand Divide… Oh, boy would it be fun!
I found my satchel behind a tree to the side of the clearing. I rummaged through it to ascertain any information about this character I was wearing. Food, water, dagger, extra arrows. All standard kit. And a serious-looking letter with an official seal. Bingo.
I tore it open and froze. The entire thing was covered in script, but I couldn’t make out a single word. I turned it upside down, just in case I was really stupid, but no. Well, maybe it was in Elvish, which Charlie, rather than whoever this ranger was, did not speak. All of a sudden, a bunch of thoughts made their way neatly into my head, as if they’d been planted there. My name was Ethan Thornwood, a lieutenant of the Elven Rangers Squadron camped out in the West Mountains, sent here to investigate the magical blight spreading across the continent. The suspected source was the Black Dragon of the North, a notorious beast of legend that haunted the Midland Woods for centuries.
I sat back, a little disappointed that I didn’t end up in my own story, but stoked nonetheless about the prospect of a dragon. Motivated to move the plot along, I packed up and headed out into the forest.
Apparently, Ethan, odd name for an elf but whatever, was a very good tracker. I barely had to do anything and already found some suspiciously huge reptilian footprints in the mud, a few hours old, my helpful brain told me. I walked for an hour or so, enjoying the fresh air, when I came upon a huge cave, pale light glimmering from inside. I slowed my steps and carefully ventured inside.
At the bottom of the cave, huge puffs of breath rattling the stalagmites around its form, was a magnificent ancient dragon. The scales were black as night, an oily sheen shifting with every large breath. I stared in awe as this enormous beast slept peacefully under a sinister-looking magic sigil floating in the air, extending transparent red chains down to different parts of its body.
Fantastic. An ancient mythical dragon, a mysterious blight and an evil seal. So far so good. I stared at the hypnotic rotating pattern on the seal to try to force the brain of this ‘Ethan’ to remember any information about it, but came up short in the end. It was a long shot anyway. I timed my steps with the dragon’s breaths and slowly crept up to examine it more closely.
I must have been relying on the ranger mechanics too much, but I happened to step on the crunchiest twig in existence, somehow finding its way into this deep subterranean cavern. The dragon’s huge golden eyes opened, and it stared right at me. I froze.
It raised its enormous head and sniffed the air. As it moved, the chains grew taut, and I saw it flinch in pain. That didn’t stop it from rising to its full height, the walls of the cavern shaking, causing me to dodge the falling debris.
“WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER!” the dragon rumbled through the air, almost knocking me off my feet. I raised my hands in supplication and looked directly into its golden eyes.
“I mean no offence, oh ancient one!” Always good to start with a platitude. Manners maketh man. “I am but a humble ranger travelling through these woods.”
The dragon did not move. I chanced a look at the clearly evil seal, now fully sparkling with red and black energy, restricting the dragon’s movements.
“I am but an insignificant mortal.” Wait, was that technically true? Fuck it, no time to think. Just glaze. “If I may be of some assistance to you, great one, it would be an eternal honour to my family.”
Honestly, I had no idea where I was going with that, but the common dragon lore stated they were proud and noble creatures that hoarded gold, treasures and an occasional virgin, depending on the type of story told. Appealing to its vanity was a safe bet.
The dragon levelled me with a penetrating stare and spoke.
“You are the blood of elves,” he stated. I twitched my ears, which apparently was a cool feature that came with being an elf, to highlight the obvious statement. “Your people and mine had an accord centuries ago, before humans came to this continent. If you release me from this binding, I vow to uphold that accord and grant you a boon.”
I hesitated for a second, remembering that maybe this particular dragon was the villain after all. But it didn’t make sense that the Black Dragon of the North was causing the blight while itself being imprisoned by some obviously dark magic. Maybe the magic was the issue all along. Whatever.
“I shall try,” I answered as I came to inspect the seal more closely. The enormous beast sat still, letting me walk all the way around it, checking out the chains. If I was honest with myself, I had no damn clue as to what was going on or how to fix it. On a whim, I reached out and touched one of the transparent, red, vibrating lines. My hand stung, like it was bitten by a wasp, and a bead of blood bloomed on my finger. To my surprise, the ruby liquid floated up to the seal, and it evaporated, like it was never there.
The dragon did a whole-body shudder and began to spread its wings. I backed away into a corner to escape the deadly blocks of rock tumbling down, a little pissed off at this thing’s inattention to my well-being. The dragon stretched, catlike, and began to shrink. I stared through the settling dust as it rose from the ground and gasped.
It took the shape of a tall, broad-shouldered man. Long black hair tumbling down his back, black horns curling from his forehead, a loincloth on his waist and nothing else. I had to blink a few times to believe it, but the dragon now had a ten-pack, which was two packs too many in the best-case scenario. As the man turned around, the blazing yellow eyes caught mine as he smiled.
“You have freed me, elf”
The voice was deep and raspy, tingling through my body. Objectively speaking, the human form of this dragon was drop-dead gorgeous. Maybe too much so. I nodded stupidly.
“My name is Caelian,” he said as he began walking towards me. “You have released me from a binding spell that plagued me for centuries. And now, I shall uphold the ancient covenant between our people.”
He reached me and placed his huge palm on my chest. A differently coloured sigil bloomed between us as I felt a warmth spreading through my limbs. I looked up at the dragon and smiled. Having an ancient mythical beast on your side was always a bonus in stories such as this. And all I had to do was bleed a little.
“I am now yours, body and soul.”
Fucking excuse me?
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